Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
she smelled like a LAN party
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
he threw up in a solo cup, then washed it out and used it to play flip cup. Im not sure if thats resourceful or disgusting.
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
He told me that before I went to bed I needed to do my stretches and then processed to demonstrate a squat thrust, while completely naked.
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
So I'm going to regale you with a tale of someone who went out, was fed way to many shots, got super wasted and now has a date with one of the security guards from the building but has no idea what his name is. That someone is me
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
I was just going for a one night stand and now I'm at breakfast with his entire family.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
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