some girl in front of me in class just googled "hungover+throwing up blood"
I wish they had an "I'm Stoned" genre on online Netflix
he wrote me a grocery list while i was passed out. every other item was gin. it went on for 4 pages.
Don't worry. This time I'll get black out drunk so they'll just think it's an American thing.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
You poured your drink on him and called him a "useless cocksucker" because he wouldn't give you a ride home... on his skateboard
I lowered my expectations when he started off saying "ah missionary, my specialty"
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
She said to me, without hesitation, "make me an offer better than my sugar daddy and I'll go with you"
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
She's not answering my calls
Well it sounds like you really fucked up
WHO HOLDS A GRUDGE OVER MEMES
if you're wondering why I texted you some girl's name at 4 am it's because you wanted to Facebook stalk the girl who gave that Irish guy we met at the Chinese food place her license and said 'call me'
I DONT KNOW HOW I'M NOT DEAD, JESUS CHRIST ON A DOUBLE DECKER FUCKING KEANU REEVES BUS
Well she's 'call Wayne Gretzky a whore' drunk so you tell me.
Randomize
