I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
it feels good to walk into a CVS and not go straight to the pharmacy counter for plan b. its been a while....
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
after we had sex he told me his original plan was to have sex with my roommate but his buddy likes her so i was backup
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I remember nothing of last night, but I did manage to figure out which frats I went to by the trails of straw across campus.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
If you ever insult pizza rolls again, I will dragon kick you in the throat
he looks like the poster child for myspace how the hell does he have other hoes?
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
I'd like to know who hasn't seen my tits tonight.
Randomize
