mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Things I can say. There is a photo of me pouring whipped cream into a midgets mouth.
Is it bad that all my wine bottles have teeth marks in the cork?
HEY. That drawer full of booze in my dorm room also has aspirin and Tums in it. So don't tell me I don't care about health.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
I'm fine with our borderline lesbian behavior.
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
His truck was very sexy. Unfortunately, shortly thereafter, I discovered that the whole overcompensating thing is very true...
I was giving him head and he slipped one of those hats with propellors on top on my head.
Nice girl until she takes off the fake human suit and shows you the flesh eating demon she truly is
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
