living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
We have a drunk bartender with her nips a quarter inch from bein out buying us shots. GET HERE.
You just said the magic words
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I have migrated to the couch. Minimal movement is still happening, but I should be mobile enough to go to the liquor store by eight.......so that good.
I threw up for like 20 hours. Im gonna be the DD for the next 5 years.
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Yeah, he hid all the toilet paper and took a video of me looking for it before I shit my pants. Definitely playing that clip at our wedding.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
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