She's hot and she went to Notre Dame. I want to fuck the Catholic right out of her
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
one might say we're banned from that church
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
You blinded her by spitting vodka in her eyes, the vodka you had just taken as a body shot off of her.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
Went to the wedding reception, and he left with ALL of the brides maids phone numbers. I don't know how he does it either.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
I deleted his number so I had to go into my old voicemails which are saved through my gmail and search his name... Never underestimate the resourcefulness of a drunk girl on a mission for dick
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
Randomize
