Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
i should probably find things i have in common with someone besides drinking, before having sex with them
your facebook page is a work of drunk art.
I'm gonna have to fantasize about her dying just to get off.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
Trimming my pubes at 1 AM, drunk, listening to Stevie Ray Vaughn. What has become of me.
Jesus christ stop updating me about every aspect of your life.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
SO HELP ME GOD THERE IS A SPIDER IN THIS PIZZA. IT IS VERY SMALL IT IS INSIDE THE CRUST AND IT IS ALIVE. I'M SO HUNGRY DO I KEEP EATING
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
Randomize
