i'm listening to "transmissions" by The Tea Party from like '97 and waxing my legs. fuck i'm awesome in my alone time
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
is it weird that i blow-dry my hair and poop at the same time?
not any weirder than you telling me this at 4 in the morning
My dinner was lean cuisine and tequila. Aaaaaand I need a boyfriend.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Well the weddings in 4 days so I already got the eightball lined up and the wii fit all warmed up. Still wanna bet I wont lose 20 pounds by the wedding?
All you have to drink is moonshine and ranch. This is bullshit.
Had to go to the urgent for a physical and I gave them my fake. Nurse was a sport though
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
But mostly fuck him senseless. Render him speechless. Have him look at my vagina and wonder, "WHAT SORCERY IS THIS?!"
Apparently she has a 10 week old kid, which would explain the hallway effect I was feeling.
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
