plz talk dirty to me
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
riding the spinning bikes at the rec after Valentines Day was a baaddddd idea
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I was drunk for 3 days straight...well wasted for 3 days with periods of "just drunk" inbetween
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
If you shit your pants and not say anything about it right before we have sex one more time I'm dumping you.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
