Don't interrupt me, I have a limited time to be high and thus be remarkably good at Pac Man
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
My brain is officially off for summer until late august. If that guy wants to fuck me, he better do it soon.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
FYI angry masturbation is not as cool angry sex
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I'm pretty sure "tag teaming" and "looking for stability" are not synonymous.
Not yet.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
I'm really ok with inappropriate relationships. They are my favorite of all the relationships. No need to be timid. For crying out loud.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
