just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
so. which one of us is going to pay for the neighbors new window? it cracked when i threw the bottle at it but smashed when you threw yours.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
Someone left their drag queen on my couch. On the plus side, he sure does know how to make a mean cup of coffee.
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
I didn't notice because vodka
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Well you were listening to music and having sex really loudly. How was I supposed to know you'd hear me making rocket sounds?
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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