you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
i saw her thong sticking out from across the bar...that was my cue
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
Please call us Steph is okay but missing phone wallet tooth
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
YAY! I just removed my own stitches, and I'm only bleeding from one spot! on a related note, do you think a dishwasher will sterilize forceps and trauma shears?
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
Randomize
