every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
Abreva sucks. I applied it as directed and now it looks like I fed the herpes. They're throwing a party on my bottom lip.
Lesbians. Lesbians everywhere.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Aj and I already plan to tape our thumbs to our palms so we know how it feels to be a t-rex.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
It's like a harem of immaturity and bad ideas...and that's coming from me
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
Someone left a middle school yearbook here. I recognized one kid from banging his mom last year.
Apparently "Welcome to the Sin Cave" is not how I'm supposed to answer the door
HIDE THE INFLATABLE PENIS
Randomize
