Full bush! Can't stay! Need ride! Come on bro!
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
i used the phrase horny rhinos in my paper. i hope my teacher appreciates the size of my balls
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I've orgasmed four times in the past 24 hours. And my mom's dropping off cookies later
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
Probably going to live on vodka sodas and fireball shots
Can you leave her a note saying "did you enjoy watching me fuck your roommate?"
I will.
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