she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
It was great. Even bought me breakfast in the AM
From?
Well, he didn't exactly take me out, but left a $20 on the table...
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
My dealer threw in a "freestyle rap" today with my purchase. I dont know if I can handle this relationship.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
He told me I look like a librarian today. I hope that means he has a librarian fetish or something
Disregard. He says he said I look "agrarian" today and just proceeded to compare me to Mumford and Sons. Fuck it, I'm going home and drinking
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
sorry i was ignoring you last night i accidentally did a bunch of pcp and thought i was inside tron
And you tried to get me to have sex with you in our Harry potter closet lol
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize
