I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
There's jello in my purse I have a mysterious glow stick and didn't sleep with anyone my god I'm 3 for 3 tonight
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Has anyone heard from Jamie or has she actually just been having sex for 48 hours?
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
I could have sworn that I went home last night... but judging from the couch I just woke up on, apparently not.
Randomize
