I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
we thought you were sober enough for a movie but you took one look at emily blunt and screamed "aw this bitch?!" and passed out 30 seconds later
hahaha my homeschooled cousin put up graduation pictures. it's just her standing in front of her fire place. With a hand made diploma.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
I'm smoking a bowl and pondering why we haven't discovered teleportation again.
When we asked you how you got there you replied in all seriousness, "rode my legs"
Oh my god i hate key west. No one takes amex and strippers took all my money
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Ok thats it i need a list. Full names, nicknames, in which frats, with a photo, of all the guys youve hooked up with because three of the same guys is ridiculous
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
You are lucky that I'm drunk. Otherwise I would bone you into another universe
Went to my bottom drawer for my stash , gone just a note says thanks sucker love dad
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
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