I am going to be in the room whjen you have your first child and spit on its face before its even all the way out of you.
you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
i dont even know how to be here
11am puke and rally. THIS is what I'm gonna miss about college.
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I either just got free sex or a nice jail sentence. Text me in 10 to verify.
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Do you rver get that feeling like their are poprocks filling ur boday?
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
Randomize
