U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
I wouldn't accept the money so he folded the $20 bill into an origami puppy and left a note saying "Not blowjob money"
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
tonight were gonna drink champagne and watch girls put themselves in awkward position
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
I wish I cared about making my vagina as presentable as you do.
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
You ran through a field yelling "I'm frolicking! I'm frolicking!" Then fell on your face. How is your nose today, doll?
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
I gave him a blowjob to kill bill. 2 of my favorite things.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
So. My mom went grocery shopping for me while I was at work & brought the food here. Cool bc my dildo was laying on the counter. Forgot I left it out. I am sure she saw. Im mortified.
Randomize
