He left the bathroom door open so i would hear him masturbate in the shower to make me feel guilty for not putting out but it just turned me on cause i like guys masturbating. weird?
he was so drunk he doesn't remember anything. I have to break up with him all over again
My parents showed me my IQ test from fourth grade, I'm shitting on my potential.
I woke up with a solved rubics cube in my purse
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
Some people dream of being astronauts others dream of having genitalia that shines like Edward Cullen in the sun
I think the worst part about being a real adult is 1)having a high stress job that makes me want to get stoned 2)paying for reefer using my own money 3)realizing my boyfriends children probably have more weed connections than I do anymore
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
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