I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
I don't care what anyone says I want strippers at my funeral.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I was giving this fat lawyer a table dance and he asked me if I would be willing to play with his long, hard stick of the law. And you want me to stop drinking at work?
Having sex with him is like yoga. I do it in the morning and then can't walk for three days afterwards.
Randomize
