i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
They're doing a Bong-A-Thon for 4/20. I don't care if you quit. You are coming out of your weed retirement for this.
not good my parents heard a big thud and found me passed out in the bathrrom abt an hr ago. hit my head arm and side. dont remember. real talk.
Have the decency to NOT HANG YOU'RE USED CONDOM ON THE FOOSEBALL HANDLES! Dickhead.
Please tell me joes at work safe and sound and doesn't smell like jail?
As I'm trying to leave her house she shushes me and puts my hand on her boob, then goes back to sleep. In like 30seconds. What the fuck.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
you just missed a great speech in which i almost coined the term "ass-ian" as in "my vaginal and ass-ian regions are no longer safe"
God please dont post that to facebook.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Randomize
