I cut holes in my blanket and put my arms through it. It's the sleeveless "Bro Edition" Snuggie.
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Fuck romance. Just shaved my nipples in the shower because I felt like it. That's the life I'm about.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
She's astronaut crazy. She will wear Depends and drive 12 hrs non-stop if you swipe right.
Challenge accepted
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
My Uber driver last night was driving a taxi and tried to charge me fare.
You didn't get in your Uber because your ex was driving, that was a legitimate taxi.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
Randomize
