Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
i crashed through a building. if that counts then yes, i went out with a bang.
the realtor just took us to a house I had a one night stand in. I feel like it's a sign.
nah we got kicked outta the bar after the bouncer saw us putting straws up Chelsea's nose to make her look like a walrus after she fell asleep at the table
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
A "Tom-vomit" is when you puke but cough as it comes up, so you close you mouth as a natural reaction and the vomit is jet-propelled out your noise.
porn backed up onto portable hard disk, laptop charged, battery backup in place, two cases beer, handle of vodka, poptarts and beef jerky --- bring it sandy.
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
They tricked me into going into that room by saying we'd smoke a bowl and then they all proceeded to have an intervention with me about my love life.
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