I considered driving home in his mom's bathrobe until i realized i'd have to stop to buy cigarettes
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
He looked at me and said "Last call" before putting his penis away into his boxers
found inexpensive tickets to Norway. Questioning if its legal. PLEASE tell me you remebered the walkie talkies and face paint.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
I've never heard of anyone celebrating the holidays with a fuck buddies family before.
....I'll be expecting my trophy when I return.
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
Beans, may the odds of a nip slip and drunken make out session be ever in your favor
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
why is half of my head shaved?
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