That's intense
If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
He pulled a potato out of his bag in the library. A WHOLE FRIGGIN POTATO. He ate it like it was an apple and waved at the librarian as she stared at him.
truck drivers should not leave their trucks unlocked with cigarettes inside when we're drunk and walking around.
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
This pedicure right now is the most physical I've been with a guy all month
Randomize
