we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I guess I puked all over my hand too and I just looked at my roommate and said, "fix this."
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
we're driving around with this really dirty (unclean and inappropriate) 60 year old ex-san quintin con named old skool d that my brother knows and hes bringing us to get weed. what is montana?
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Just got to Evans to buy weed. His mom showed up unannounced. Now the three of us are chillen. Super.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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