Just ran into that chick u called from my phone and left her a MSG bout how she has aids
Ahaha, good shit
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Sitting next to a girl in the computer cluster who just googled syphilis symtoms, started crying & got up and left. My life suddenly seems better.
I have a sudden craving for National Treasure 2. THIS IS WHY DRUGS ARE AWESOME
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We turned on "find my friends" and watched her progress. Got concerned when she didn't move for an hour on Adelaide, turned out a booty call was made, then she went back to the bars.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
Randomize
