Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
Do u like your dick pics shot in hotdog or hamburger orientation?
Sex with you deserves a trophy and a day of remembrance in honor of it.
I just forgot I was standing up.
So I crawled off the trampoline to puke in the neighbors yard. Wonderful house guest right here
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He howled at the moon then told me that if i were a dog he'd have sex with me...either i look like that girl or i need to stop going on blind dates. Period.
right after that u started calling me g-force and started trying to bellyslide down his drive way
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