I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
College students should never be allowed to have snow days. Never.
I'm supposed to be studying for finals but all I can think about is blowing him on a sea doo this summer
Why is hotel staff askin about the blood in our room
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
I tried to talk to him, but he didn't recognize me at first. I had to show him the top of my head and then he remembered.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
Hamster emergency. Can u come in here
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
I woke up on the couch screaming in pain. I don't know how ended up there or why my foot was double the size. all I know is I'm now in a cast and never drinking tequila again. worst hangover ever.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
Randomize
