Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
I was just expressing concern for your pickle consumption.
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
should I tell them that both of them had sex with me last Saturday? it might be a relationship builder type of thing you know?
22 is way too old to still be having "thank god I think I'm getting my period" days
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I woke up with the gnarliest cold/hangover combo
Thats what u get when u have butt ass naked rooftop sex at night in december
Worth it.
Nothing like being naked and confused and clutching a scented candle...at least I woke up in my own bed though.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
If I had a dollar for every functioning brain cell you had I would owe someone a lot of money
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
