Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
I've made my dad a martini every night since I was 13.. I got this
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
It looked like Halloween in bed... BECAUSE HE BIT MY PUSSY AND I BLED ALL OVER THE FUCKING PLACE. THEN HE FELL AND BROKE HIS TOE. AND THEN PASSED OUT WHEN HE SAW ALL OF THE BLOOD.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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