And he just showed me his vera bradley wallet...
I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I mean you were pretty drunk at one point you asked if we could have a glass of water ready for you in case you choked while bobbing for apples, but you said grape juice was preferable. You can't choke on an apple btw
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Be here at 9 and look fabulous. We have drag queens to impress.
Never thought I would be taunted by little kids about my walk of shame
Just learned that the cute guy I've been flirting with at the beach this whole time is actually an inmate working in the community instead of being in prison.. My life is unreal
the last thing i heard from her was "i wanna get fucked by a stranger" and i haven't seen her since
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
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