thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
New invention idea: vibrating tampons
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
is 69 when you're sideways or up & down? I was on my back & confused.
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Who breaks their ankle the day before a beach wedding? This guy. Maybe this is karma for fucking someone's wife? Idk.
I'll just give him your contact info, and you'll somehow manage to get laid. Which will make me feel like your vagina's agent or something.
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
