I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hospital. He tried giving some kid a stone cold stunner during a real fight.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
"I'm in the bathroom. Only place I can sit and relax without that girl trying to give me a lap dance."
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
Van sex tonight? No need to tell me how classy that sounded.
What was the name of that sleazy asshole I'm not allowed to sleep with?
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I just remembered I casually gave you a tour of the house after we boned...lol
Randomize
