I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
my little brother just asked me why i have handcuffs. How do I tell him that his sister likes being taken advantage of in the bedroom?
You high fived me for banging your sister but lock me outta house bc I ate your pumpkin pie? Priorities bro
i didnt think "maybe you should take over" was a good thing to say when i couldnt get it up
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
in the midst of studying i picked up my capsule full of untouched weed, popped it open, and whispered "soon" into it. midterms man
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Probably not. Getting pulled over and puking my guts out on the side of the road in front of the cop and him making fun of me, was not my finest moment. Plus I lost my debit card.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
