I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
what part of “beer fountain” do you not understand
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
I had my first sober conversation with his roommate. I remembered half way through that the first time we met I was getting fucked on his counter
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Got dumped. Now accepting nominations for my extra Dave Mathews ticket. No xboyfriends. Must cast final votes by Monday. Good luck everyone
It kind if looked like a strap-on dressed up for Halloween.
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
