i think i have two assholes
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i promise the blood crusted on your tits is from him motorboating you after he tripped into the pool stick. nothing else.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Alright we have to be drunk.before noon tomorrow. Its a new law i just got passed through congress. It goes into effect imediately
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
Walk back down Church toward Mass Ave. Take a right and head for the guy in a kilt on top of the really tall unicycle. C u soon!
DOMA is dead. I'm definitely going to be the last of our friends to get married now.
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I am going to piss jack daniels before daylight.
Daylight. It is daylight. Who will give you a ride back?
I hope no one. I want to walk and have a bus hit me.
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I'm sorry I peed on myself in front of your boy toy. You should tell him I'm usually not that trashy. It was nice meeting him tho..
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
