i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
I'm hoping to finish this bottle of wine before I pass out, I don't want the remainder spilling on my white down comforter.
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
you don't know what its like to have your bartender tell you that you owe him beer money infront of your mother at 3pm on a tuesday
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
Like I could say no to two hot people already naked and fucking. Please. I'm not made of stone.
Twice?!
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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