like if they didnt have tits and vagina, they have no idea how uninteresting to us they would be
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
she screamed "my eye!" and it brought me a surge of bad memories. except she was yelling about a lemon.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I just found a tail you can wear naked. Via a butt plug. Who ever said the internet was a good thing?
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What kind of outfit says I totes want you to take me in the airplane bathroom?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
If the people you’re with use the word tequila in a sentence with phrases like hair of the dog or breakfast of champions...run awsy
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