Yup u can hook up with me now and not goto jail
Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
I just had to ask my dad for money to pay for my birth control. I've hit financial rock bottom.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Everyone else in class agrees the weed smell is coming from me
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
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