I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
And you kept hanging up and calling back because you thought I wasn't greeting you properly.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
she told me i tasted like america
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
There's a hand-carved wooden bong in my backpack, and i really wish i could remember last night now.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
his brother walked in while we were fucking on the couch, told me i had "lovely jugs" and offered to make both of us a drink
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
I had to explain to the doctor why I'm peeing blood. He still didn't believe a girl would have that much sex... You could feel the judgement forming in the room when I went into the details...
Damn, well a girls gotta get laid too
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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