Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
She said my main job as maid of honor is to ensure the groom doesn't find out that each of his seven groomsmen has had his penis inside her.
I also just told a guy I was available for counseling in case he needed to 'bang' things out. I've become a monster.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
We got to his house at 7am and two random guys were on the couch shot gunning beers saying we were late for the party
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
You want to get day drunk this afternoon and watch these guys build a house across the street?
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
I was chasing pulls of fireball with bites of a bagel and yelling at people to take tequila shots with me. I shouldn't be allowed to go out alone.
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
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