turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I puked in the pool and didn't tell them, then they all went swimming. Is it dick to just sit back and enjoy the show?
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
