Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
I just want to have normal problems like what kind of puppy to get, or should I pay a hooker to fuck Scott, or even a dilemma about fucking Twizzlers. I don't know.
Last night I dreamt that I sold my car and used the money to have wheels surgically implanted in my feet and legs so I became a human heely and I just rolled everywhere
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
After I asked for my 6th Gin & Tonic, the look on the flight attendant's face started to make me feel bad about myself.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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