apparentely "Beer Pong Champ" is not a profession, no wonder they havent called me back......
told ya
Horny girl and non horny girl have different views on life
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
Because of him my new motto is "Keep calm and fuck a guy with a beard". Yes, I am serious.
You know it's bad when I can already feel tomorrow's hangover before even drinking today.
Just had to hide the fact that I'm not wearing underwear from my 7 year old niece.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I had to give myself a suppository. That was the LEAST fun I've had inserting things in my ass.
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
