I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I decided it might be a good time to stop when he requested I "bring that pussy over here"
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
How do you explain to your parents that you can't go to the library because you got banned for being drunk in there... on a Sunday afternoon?
That's $100,000 of quality education right there.
Randomize
