K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Everything tastes like hotdogs and shame.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
Some girl at my gym just tried to casually drop the fact she can kegel 3 lbs...
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
If you hear death cries, thats me singing. Just let me be.
Don't try to sleep with work colleagues because he won't be able to get it up and you won't be able to look him in the eye ever again
The good thing about country bars is that the men generally look like men. The bad thing is the country music.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize
