You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
I woke up to him using my debit card to order PPV porn and Jimmy Johns. I don't even know his name.
Did you get an erection too during Paul Ryan's speech?
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
I must stop trying to make out with my friends when I'm hammered.
You were leaning against a fire hydrant asking people if they wanted to buy free pocket peanuts from you.
Randomize
