I had a dream last night where you were a transsexual in a low cut blue dress with lovely long brown hair. You were very pretty. I hope you are well.
Because of no shave november, it's no boys december... pay back
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Remember that amazing deer? You peed next to that dear..
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
I just got a huge discount at GameStop for having tits. I win.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
I'm pretty sure I smell like alcoholism and shame. And it's not a pretty scent.
Randomize
